


Luck

by jesuisherve



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gay, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesuisherve/pseuds/jesuisherve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble about Gunnar and Barney. Set before the first Expendables movie. Gunnar asks Barney about what he wants after death and Barney thinks about luck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Luck

_“You want me to drop you off?” Barney asked, turning the key in the ignition of his truck._

_Gunnar’s head drooped, a fringe of dirty blonde hair falling over his face. “Can I stay tonight?”_

_Barney didn’t say anything. He put the truck into drive._

_-_

“Do you know what you want after you die?”

The question took Barney by surprise. He glanced over at Gunnar. The big man was on his stomach, head turned to look at him and arms wrapped around a pillow. Barney was lying on his back with his hands tucked behind his head. They were at his house, their first night home since coming back from an assignment. Usually they spent the first night home apart. It was time alone to unwind and recuperate but this time Gunnar asked to spend the night.

 “Do you?” Gunnar asked again.

“Like, what’s in my will?” Barney said.

“Like for a funeral.”

Barney rolled over on his side to look at his lover directly. Gunnar was not the type to discuss this sort of thing. There was something bothering him. “Cremation, I guess. Scatter my ashes to the wind. Don’t fuckin put me in the ground to rot. That’s pretty damn bleak.”

“Yeah.” Gunnar closed his eyes lightly. “Me too.”

Barney studied the big Swede carefully. The curved scar on his cheek was practically invisible in the semi-darkness of the bedroom. His hair was clean now; they had both showered after getting home. His high cheekbones and firm jaw line were dusted with a few days worth of beard stubble. There was a small cut just above his eyebrow but that was to be expected. It was rare for anyone to come home from a mission without injury. If it was a small scrape, that was better than having a limb shot off or something. Barney moved closer to Gunnar and draped an arm over him. Gunnar nuzzled his face against his neck, breathing deeply.

“What’s wrong?” Barney murmured.

Gunnar could feel his words vibrate against his lips. He pressed a kiss to Barney’s neck. “We were in trouble in that last mission. Thought Toll Road had got killed. Just started thinkin’ about what happens, y’know... after.”

Toll Road had gotten shot multiple times during the last mission. It had knocked him to the ground and he had smacked his head pretty hard, knocking himself out. Luckily the vest he had been wearing had taken most of the damage but he had given the team a good scare.

“I dunno if there is anything after,” Barney said gruffly. He wouldn’t lie to Gunnar; tell him that he believed in life after death or whatnot. “Once you die, that’s it.”

“My family was religious,” Gunnar said quietly, “I don’t know if there is a heaven after, or hell or whatever. But if there is, I’m probably not getting in.”

“Neither of us will,” Barney said with a half smile.

Gunnar shook his head. “You’d get into heaven.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re still _good._ ” Gunnar slipped an arm under Barney and pulled him close in a warm embrace. They weren’t usually a touchy-feely couple. This was one of the rare moments when they both wanted to be close in this way. Gunnar didn’t know why Toll Road’s almost brush with death had shaken him so badly, but it had prompted him to start thinking about the things that were important to him. Barney was most important. Somehow, after all this time, Barney Ross had stayed an innocent soul. Not innocent in the way that people typically thought. He was still a killer, he was still a mercenary, but he had principles. He had guided their team into a good place and somehow everyone on the team was still _good_ like him. Toll Road was on his way to self-acceptance. Hale Caesar was a great dad, he had a family to look after and they loved him. Lee Christmas was trying his best to be a _good_ man and was succeeding. Yin Yang, well, none of them knew much about him but he was loyal and that was _good_.

That left Gunnar. Was he _good_? No, not really. He was good at his job. He liked killing. The enemy were insects, they had no worth and that’s why it was okay to kill. Gunnar guessed that he stuck around with the team because he had nowhere else to go. It wasn’t a terrible thing, really. He liked them all, they were his friends. But he was different from them. They fought for something; there was something that kept them going besides the next payday. What did he fight for? He had a shitty apartment that he didn’t care about and a wicked drug habit. And Barney.

Barney was the _good_ in his life.

“You’re being stupid,” Barney said. Gunnar’s arms felt nice around him. He was warm. It was a peaceful moment and God knew those moments were far and in between. He wasn’t sure why Gunnar was suddenly getting weird about death and he didn’t know how to soothe him. He pressed his mouth against the Swede’s and kissed him hard. Gunnar tightened his hold and kissed him back.

-

_They were sitting in Barney’s plane. They were going to be leaving for a mission in the morning. Barney was double checking everything before they had to leave. Gunnar had offered to keep him company and Barney accepted. They had been there for a little over an hour. Almost everything that needed to be done was done._

_“Take this.” Gunnar held out his hand which was closed in a huge fist. Barney laid his palm flat to accept whatever was being given._

_“What for?”_

_“It’s good luck,”_

_It was one of Gunnar’s dog tags from a war long over. Barney bounced it in his palm a couple times, the two tags jingling against each other and the chain they were on. He still had all of his dog tags, too. He unhooked one of them from their place in the cockpit. It was his first set of dog tags. He undid the clasp of both sets and took one tag from each. He strung one of his tags on Gunnar’s chain and one of Gunnar’s tags on his. “Here,” he offered what had been his dog tags originally to the tall man. “Now there’s good luck for both of us.”_

_Gunnar took the tags from him with a smile._

-

Barney opened his eyes and stared into the darkness. He wondered why that particular memory had come to him. Beside him, Gunnar was sleeping. Barney hadn’t slept yet. Moving carefully so he wouldn’t wake the other man, he opened the drawer of the bedside table and took out the dog tags. He wrapped the chain around his hand so it wouldn’t make noise and held the tags tightly. He took the tags with him everywhere. If he wasn’t wearing them, they were in his pocket or hanging in the plane. He knew that Gunnar’s set was in his apartment. He only wore them when they weren’t on a mission. Barney thought it was interesting how different the kind of luck they needed was.

He knew that ‘luck’ wasn’t some magical force that got them out of trouble, but the ritual of having a lucky charm brought him a type of confidence and calm. Barney always told himself that it was superstitious nonsense yet he never stopped the rituals. He had his lucky ring and his lucky tags. The ring was combat luck, the tags were personal luck. The ring helped him get in the right mind for battle, and the tags were the kind of luck that made each landing in the seaplane a safe one.

He hoped that the tag he had given to Gunnar would remind him to be careful. The big Swede was using again, he was sure of it. For now, it didn’t bother Barney too much. He didn’t like Gunnar’s drug use but he couldn’t force him to stop. He didn’t use around Barney, he was still doing his job, he still showed up when he was needed and he stayed pretty much sober when they were on a mission. If it spilled over to their personal or professional lives, then it would be a bigger problem.

That was probably where the darkness was stemming from. Barney almost sat up at the realisation. With Gunnar was using again, the depression would be back. No wonder he’d been acting weird. Barney clenched his hand. The chain cut into his skin creating a dull pain. He slowly relaxed his fist, letting the chain go limp. He unravelled it from his hand and put it back in the drawer.

Hopefully he would sleep now.


End file.
